What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 02:28
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What can I say to a scammer who thinks he loves me, but I don't want to be scammed?
I was 9 years of age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why do some mothers hate their daughters especially when they're the eldest?
I could never make a relationship work though!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
No Social Security Payments for 12 Days: June 2025 Schedule Explained - Fingerlakes1.com
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
How do you know how physically attractive you actually are?
So whats the point in blame.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Walking more may lower your risk for chronic low back pain by 23%, study suggests - KSL.com
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do people with trauma easily recognize other people with trauma through eye contact?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Cloudy skies can’t dim joy as thousands fill nation’s capital for World Pride parade - AP News
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
Woman on trial for poison mushroom killings says she was trying to fix "bland" meal - CBS News
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What is Alan Kay’s view on analytic idealism by Bernardo Kastrup?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The tiny Logitech Keys-To-Go 2 keyboard lets me get work done almost anywhere - CNN
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Jonathan Joss, ‘King of the Hill’ and ‘Parks & Recreation’ actor, dead at 59 after shooting - CNN
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Channel Island pharmacists confirm digestion drug shortage - BBC
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Adam Scott, nearly 45 years old, with chance to redefine career on U.S. Open Sunday - NBC Sports
But ive been too sick for many years..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Comes on , in middle age.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Put me off passion for life!!
I was very sick at this time too.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I waited trembling.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She married twice! .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Ive learnt so much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i lived it daily.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
What did i know ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I have no regrets .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im still living with it.
We all went to grammer schools
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My life is so biszare .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was in good health!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
It was going to be , some day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She loved him until the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were not on the streets..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I don,t even have a pension.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I write beautiful poetry .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I said to her
My family never makes their pension either.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But it wasn’t much.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.